Monday, May 6th 2019
Having a Drink

I went out for a walk around The Loop for the second time today. I wanted to get out of the house as I'd been inside for most of the day trying to be productive. I'd already done The Loop that morning and felt great. I passed by Co-Op and thought I should buy a bottle of wine for myself as I have been having a bottle to myself each weekend. I drank it with my dinner and felt good. While out on my drunken walk, I considered the thought of buying a bottle of whisky. I like my whisky. I got there and realised I'd forgotten my wallet at the counter. It was funny as I knew I shouldn't really be buying a bottle of whisky right now and I was forced into not buying it.

Drinking is a funny thing. For perhaps the past few months to a year, I have been more of a drinker than a smoker. I still like to smoke every now and then, but nowhere near as much as I used to. Lately, weed often has an adverse effect on me. I never feel anxiety when I'm sober or even when I'm drunk, but I definitely notice it on weed. I wasn't even sure what it was at first. Anxiety has always been a mystery to me since my brother first enlightened me to it's definition. I feel the same way with depression. Never sure if you are feeling it, despite showing all the signs.

With weed it's often a 50-50 chance. It's has become a risk. I've had times where I start worrying about my breathing. I've had times where I worry about swallowing water. If I'm going to have a smoke, I need to make sure I'm in a good place beforehand. I need to be either having a good time or a productive one. I very rarely choose to smoke out of boredom now, which I guess is a good thing.

Drinking never gives me these feelings. I'm always happy when I drink. I feel younger again. I feel like a kid. The bad parts of my personality go away. I feel like I'm a kinder, more generous person. Maybe these are just the ramblings of a slightly tipsy 28 year old, but I really feel like it's better for my mental well-being.

I'm not trying to glorify alcohol. I'm just telling you like it is. I know its problems. I try my best to keep my drinking to a moderate level. In retrospect, it's nowhere near the amount I used to drink back in Uni. I only feel I should mention it as I've noticed a slight change in my life. A year or so ago, I stopped keeping beer at home and started buying just one beer after work for the evening. I thought that was fair and I still think it is. I get proper smashed about once a week now and it's usually on the weekend. I think that's pretty fair, right?

I just fancied getting this off my chest tonight. Thank you for checking it out. I'm hoping to get back to blogging real soon. I've had a lot of other projects going on, but as much as I enjoy them, I've realised they aren't as important as this. I've missed getting my thoughts out onto (digital) paper.

Expect new things.

Illustration by RADIO